Friday, February 17, 2012
Sometimes,
I wonder if I did something wrong somewhere along the line. Somewhere between the black and whites perhaps there was a shade of grey I missed. Too occupied with the fact that I'd gotten the answer right, that I made one too many clever moves. Checkmate in record time. Half arsed smiles and shrugs, too easy. Skipping steps on stairs, sliding wine glasses over polished wood. Somewhere, something was wrong. Over and over, I glance over my shoulder, hoping for something, but not sure what or who, or maybe when? And maybe I was wrong, maybe I should have scrapped the itinerary and tossed a coin instead. Driving without a license, empty passenger seat(s). After a while, I can't even remember where I'm supposed to be. Combing through sheets of papers, tossing, crashing over heads. Edges scraping skin and I can't remember. First mistake - wearing your heart on your sleeve. Second mistake - neon lights flashing, saying tear me up. You give thinking it'll all be okay, and they tell you it's completely okay. But still you ignore that voice saying - go, go, don't. And you still do. Stupid. Real stupid. Thinking you won't sell out, you'll never sell out, but you have and so has everyone else. Pathetic. Trusting like a stupid puppy. And there you go blaming someone else for everything. Coward. You know it as well as I do. Who better to know it than me. Up, up, up the hill, onto the peak. When you realise you're only midway and you look down and try to see. But sunlight waters down and all you see is those damn shades of grey.
brin bit this at ; 2:33 AM
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Also, progress on "novel": 50%
Considering getting a good idea is already half the battle won. And I have a good idea now, just haven't actually written anything yet. So I suppose...
Actual progress on "novel": 0%
brin bit this at ; 1:09 PM
Hello everyone who actually reads this. (i.e. Myself and that 1 stalker - yes, I know who you are...)
As usual, I am posting my usual end of year summary. I have one word for this year -
SHIT.
Yes, well basically this has had to be one of the most unfulfilling, unproductive, ridiculous years ever. Okay, very much my fault... but also not. Well okay, not ENTIRELY bad, considering I did "graduate" in this year, and do some travelling. (not a lot but more so than I usually do.) Also, managed to meet a lot of interesting people, some of whom have become good friends of mine. (:
Okay, perhaps I am just whining because despite being in and out of jobs (which I can't list on my bloody resume anyway, unless I want to get chased after/blacklisted), I am still unemployed. Okay, well, I am doing some freelance writing at the moment, but STILL. BAH.
Again, yes, this is my fault. It's not that I've had 0 job offers. It's just that I am being far too picky with my career choices. But hey, I don't wanna do something I'd regret. (As prior experience has already taught me. *grumble*)
I think this has partially got to do with the fact that I keep thinking that this year is 2010 for some reason. Nevermind. I will pretend 2011 never happened and move onwards to 2012 with an open mind, happy heart and concerns which are feather light. Hah. NOTHING WILL STAND IN MY WAY MUAHAHHA
And no, I was not drunk when I wrote this.
brin bit this at ; 1:05 PM
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
This constant ache
like a river
flows
so much right through
flesh and bones
and throbs aimlessly
beneath skin
engulfing everything
consuming everything
pure and sacred
forcing bleeding
through heavily gauzed feelings
until there is nothing left
but an overused
worthless
unmoving
shell of deadened hopes
close mouthed but gaping
wide.
brin bit this at ; 1:26 PM
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
how strange
it is
that by loving
we kill each other
just a bit
each day.
brin bit this at ; 2:10 AM
Monday, July 25, 2011
and on that note,
God, this blog is depressing.
hahhahaha
brin bit this at ; 11:26 AM
hello.
feeling completely shit spent today. too drained to do anything at all and too tired to pretend that everything is alright. i know eventually i need to get out of this gloom i've so happily set up for myself. i guess i could make everything okay pretty quickly... but i'm tired of being positive and optimistic and soooo damn tired of pretending.
horrible.
also think i've overdone the gum a bit cz i felt ill to the core yesterday. but i suppose it's times like these when the craving is terrible.
but yeah, i guess i need to pull through. eventually.
brin bit this at ; 11:22 AM
