Sunday, February 28, 2010
FUCKKKKK.
cannot think. and there is a bloody moth zooming above my head. die brin die. why didn't i start this earlier.
and why the heck do i always find myself asking myself this question!!!!!! GROAN.
am off to sleep. will wake up at 6 to finish this. cursessssss.
brin bit this at ; 1:38 AM
Saturday, February 27, 2010
i cannot help but feel thankful at times like these. maybe there is a plan for me after all. (:
brin bit this at ; 8:19 PM
Friday, February 26, 2010
hooray! tentative essay plan for renaissance done, along with.. well.. 1 reading. but whatever. looks like i can actually start typing out the essay tonight. oh joy. anddd, i love prof nardin for granting me a slight extension on my other essay. really does help when i'm coughing my lungs out. keep hammering my heart (err the area around it. loll wtf.) like one would do with a broken vending machine. quite scary if it wasn't so funny. nvm.
anyway, received the HP hp straps today (lol.) and realised they sent me 2 Slytherin ones! WTH. if it wasn't some random dealer i'd be wondering if he was trying to imply something. hmm. nevermind. so i've got to go get it exchanged tomorrow. at least hes coming to sengkang so its not that bad. mum got a new hp today, some LG thing. works pretty fine, but everytime it connects to the internet automatically i freak out bcs of the data charges. should just stick to switching off network transm. before attempting to connect to anything. (a little loophole i've discovered upon trying to connect to wifi on my phone. lol.)
am at my hiding corner again btw. think better when there is slightly "cleaner" air and less temptation to fall asleep on one's bed/sofa/random chairs/stoning in front of the fridge. hmm. also, these south asian lectures make me feel extremely guilty because i'm constantly reminded of what a terrible Indian (half Indian) i am, unable to speak the bloody language(s), or know my roots or whatever. even more guilty when ppl ask me stuff in class that i feel i should know, but don't. as a result have been fluffing my way through like i always do, carefully avoiding things i dont know and basically making roundabout arguments of the things i do.
also, feel guilty i've not been spending enough time with my grandparents and have this sudden urge to just go over and ask them everything. hmm, quite looking forward to talking to my grandpa about stuff ive managed to figure out this semester. so i'll be ready for any unexpected questions -
grandpa: "what do you think is the cause of..."
me: "well, i read that..."
grandpa: "no, no, i don't care about what other ppl think. what do you think about...?"
lol. have always felt this need to impress him and do him proud. and when i was younger i remember everyone talking to him about "big people stuff", err mainly politics, etc. and i always wanted to join in but i never knew how. as a result he just let me sip his beer so that i felt slightly important. LOL. the only questions i got where from my uncles who would ask me if i could tell the time on my watch. (i was not that stupid a 7 year old.) yawn. so now.. i can! yay. these conversations with him always leave me feeling plesantly stupid and interested in stuff i never thought i'd be interested in. also, realised that the school we visited in little india used to be my grandma's old school. how cool is that. hmm. will also need to go exploring little india with my grandma soon, and probably get some appam.
heh heh. see, i am making an effort man. i've even been listening to Jai Ho. HAHAHA. okay nevermind. i fail.
anyway, moral of the story is that i need to know more things so i do not embarass myself at future family functions which i strategically try to avoid. which reminds me, also have to come up with more intelligent answers the next time someone asks me "why aren't you married/why don't you have a boyfriend" or "why are u studying literature? do you want to be a teacher?" at which point of time i shall bullshit aimlessly about random stuff i have learnt, to avoid sounding like a total dumbass. hah.
p.s. have not had the chance to pretend to be Brazillian or Mexican this semester because no one has asked so far. (altho i have seen the typical cautionary gazes from time to time in various classes, and i suspect it will be soon. heh heh.)
oh shit, what a long blog post. but whatever, i'm just delaying time to start my essay. yawn. okay, shall head home and actually start on it in a bit. am still enjoying fresh air but i also need to pee. hahaha. whatever. tirra!
brin bit this at ; 9:02 PM
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
you know right,
i think universities should start having like a Major for people who are jacks of all trades and masters of none. LOL. u know, like "general studies" or like "major in sai kang warrior-ing" or something. LOLLL. okay whatever. after 3 years at NUS i'm still asking myself wth am i doing here. and now that graduation seems like a nearby possibility, i am very hesitant to leave. bah. studystudystudy until i dont know what i'm studying for anymore. although i must say this semester i have been very excited to go for class. hmm. well. some. LOLLLL NEVERMIND.
anyho, desperately need to get my essays in order by friday. so best be off to work. also, would like to make time to watch Bright Star like really soon. let this week be overrrrrr groan. taaaaa
brin bit this at ; 2:09 PM
Sunday, February 21, 2010
it's hella weird when you're one person at night and a totally different person the next morning. it's like a bipolar batman. loll. okay nevermind. im fine now. just numb. and tomorrow morning when i wake up its the same thing all over again. and then it's school. and back to slave-ing for some cause i know nothing about.
well whatever. no point emo-ing about i guess. think it took my brother to ive me a good wake up call this morning. i guess its just that i've been fighting my entire life for myself and the ones i love, that sometimes, i suppose.. you need to put away with your pride and just beg and crawl when times call for it. so... i guess i will. it's difficult i suppose. and it's something i need to work on. but once i let go, it'll be easier. pride.. isn't everything. yup.
brin bit this at ; 2:49 AM
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Once you realise your life is a joke, it makes things slightly easier. Don't go too fast or no one will catch the punchline. Don't go too slow or people will lose interest and not bother listening. Keep the right momentum going, stress the right words, stick to the right rhythm. Be aware of your audience, or the fact that there is none. At the end, deliver the punchline with everything you've got, in the hopes that people will remember it and retell it time and time again. And if they don't, who gives a shit?
It shouldn't bother you if they laugh at you, not with you. Or if they don't laugh at all. It doesn't matter if they think you ripped off some other guy's material or that they've heard it all before. What's important is that at the end - just laugh as hard as you possibly can. Laugh til the blood vessels in your eyes burst, or your stomach aches so much you need to throw up. Just laugh and don't even pause to consider if doing so is pathetic. Because if you don't laugh, who the hell will?
Nobody's asking you to be a walking Cheerio or to throw rainbow sprinkles in every direction. It's just that if there's one thing you need to learn in life, it's how to laugh at yourself, and life, and your life - because these aren't necessarily the same thing put together. And if you have to be competitive, make damn sure you laugh at yourself before anyone else does.
So make the best damn joke of your life. And if it helps, I'll promise to laugh at your joke if you promise to laugh at mine.
brin bit this at ; 2:16 AM
Monday, February 15, 2010
ahahhahha
one day i will realise that this is completely wrong and inappropriate and unhealthy and quite damn funny. but til then.. i'm allowed my fair share of vices aren't i? (((:
heh heh heh.
brin bit this at ; 3:34 AM
Thursday, February 4, 2010
AHGRGHGH
had the most strangest dream yesterday which culminated in a major battle of me (decked out in my Cetus SR shirt) and Taufik Batisah in military gear trying to defeat Heath Ledger (as Joker, who was actually previously a terrorist guy with a big sword) with our wands. Of course Joker was wrapped up in numerous sheets of canvas and was giggling the whole time we were shooting Avada Kedavra curses at him. honestly wtfff! and the dream began with me walking out onto the SR track and lying down on it only to be hit by a flying object which turned out to be some part of a fishing rod. apparently it was Track and Field Meet Day at SR and somehow, fishing... on the track... seemed to be a sport. erm. okay nevermind. so after the Meet, I board this bus with a ton of people who I've never met and this is when we meet the strange terrorist guy who later transforms into Joker in the final scene. like wthh. and he just likes pulls out this huge knife and begins to playfully poke ppl with it?! and eventually some guy in our group decides he's a terrorist and we kick him out of the bus and send him home in a comfort cab. LOLLLL. err. this is probably why he wants to kill us to take revenge. nevermind. okay i cant remember the rest but i remember living in this secluded hut/house before the final battle and eventually we try to find a way into duping Christians from churches into fighting with us. but in the end we lose all support and it is only me n Taufik fighting Joker. WTF. HAHAHHA sorry that last line just cracked me up. but YEAH WTH. and at one point in time Taufik actually tells me i'm pronouncing Avada Kedavra wrongly. GRRRR.
why am i having strange dreams i dont really know. i haven't even been thinking about taufik or heath ledger or SR for some time now. goodness. okayy am going to have my meds, concuss for an hour and then head off for lecture. taaaa!
brin bit this at ; 3:07 PM