Friday, February 17, 2012
Sometimes,
I wonder if I did something wrong somewhere along the line. Somewhere between the black and whites perhaps there was a shade of grey I missed. Too occupied with the fact that I'd gotten the answer right, that I made one too many clever moves. Checkmate in record time. Half arsed smiles and shrugs, too easy. Skipping steps on stairs, sliding wine glasses over polished wood. Somewhere, something was wrong. Over and over, I glance over my shoulder, hoping for something, but not sure what or who, or maybe when? And maybe I was wrong, maybe I should have scrapped the itinerary and tossed a coin instead. Driving without a license, empty passenger seat(s). After a while, I can't even remember where I'm supposed to be. Combing through sheets of papers, tossing, crashing over heads. Edges scraping skin and I can't remember. First mistake - wearing your heart on your sleeve. Second mistake - neon lights flashing, saying tear me up. You give thinking it'll all be okay, and they tell you it's completely okay. But still you ignore that voice saying - go, go, don't. And you still do. Stupid. Real stupid. Thinking you won't sell out, you'll never sell out, but you have and so has everyone else. Pathetic. Trusting like a stupid puppy. And there you go blaming someone else for everything. Coward. You know it as well as I do. Who better to know it than me. Up, up, up the hill, onto the peak. When you realise you're only midway and you look down and try to see. But sunlight waters down and all you see is those damn shades of grey.
brin bit this at ; 2:33 AM